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This isn’t really a phase for me. I live for this every four years. I’ve always been more interested in the swimming and gymnastics events, but this time I find myself watching everything. From Michaels Phelps’ amazing eight gold medal record (I taped all the races, yes I’m obsessed) to Shawn Johnson and the controversial Chinese gymnasts and Usain Bolt’s theatrics that he’s able to back up, I love it all. USA swept beach volleyball and I’m waiting to find out whether the indoor teams can do the same. The Redeem Team will be playing 17 year old Ricky Rubio and his Spain team for gold. I watched bother men and women relay teams drop the baton. I watched when women’s gymnastics tried so come to terms with their silver and when the men were so happy with their bronze that you would have thought it was gold (I love Johnny Horton). I heard the touching story of the boy that walked the Parade of Nations with Yao Ming and the lack of class shown by the anchor of the British relay team as he taunted those behind him in the PRELIMINARIES. I heard numerous anthems play and felt pride when I heard mine.

Long story short: I’ve witnessed joyous victory and the agony of defeat.

London 2012, how will I ever be able to wait so long?

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Cowboys From Hell.

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Minus the cigarette, of course.

I watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang for the first time in my life last night. I pretty much loved it. I’m not sure whether Robert Downey, Jr. makes the Perfect Guy or Harry Lockhart does. One is a recovering addict (though, personally, I think that the important part of that is “recovering”) and the other is a thief that ends up killing…five guys? I read the GQ story about him. He seems like a cool guy. And Harry? Well, someday I just want to meet someone that sees the crap that I do and gets mad at me. Because he thinks I’m better than that. In my life, I’ve only met people that have made me feel like I’ll never be enough. Like Reese Witherspoon when she realizes the same thing and says to Warner, “I’ll never be good enough for you, will I, Warner?” Or when Paul Reiser says to Matt Modine, “What’s wrong with her? Besides the fact she’s not three different women?”

Oh, Robert Downey, Jr. , I could use a hug tonight. Could you oblige?

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I’m scared that forever isn’t as long as we think it is. I hear “forever” and I think of to hell and back. I think of wrinkles and gray hair. I think of infinity plus one.  But that’s the imagination of a little girl that never really looked at the world through realistic eyes. How long if forever?

At my eighth grade graduation, I remember standing outside after the ceremony, surrounded by my friends. Our parents gathered around us and we looked in all different decorations as flashes went off. For a dizzying few seconds, we got a taste of what those Hollywood tartlets are exposed to everyday. Maybe it was the moment, maybe it was her actual belief, but  my friend Michelle chose that moment to look at one of the cameras and say “Friends Forever!” Even as a cheesy 12 year old, myself, I remember wincing at the cliche of that moment. Friends forever. That night was quite honestly the last night that I ever spoke to Michelle. With the exception of one person that remains my best friend, I don’t talk to any of those people anymore. We used to pass by each other and nod some acknowledgment. Now we just keep walking. We see our faces on the Facebooks and the MySpaces and decide it would be better to just not click “Add”. That forever lasted three years.

Forever is just a word until someone makes it mean something. I can’t help thinking that the forever that means something to me today will be over when I turn the next corner. Maybe it’s not supposed to matter how long a certain forever lasts, but what we do with forever while it’s ours. My “Friends Forever” clique had three years of memories. Right now, I feel like my forevers are just wasting away. I feel like I take it all for granted. I can accept if forever isn’t meant to last. I just want it to have meant something while its ours. Before we look back at the memories and think to ourselves, “Man, that was forever ago.”

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“I shall go the way of the open sea, To the lands I knew before you came, And the cool ocean breezes shall blow from me, The memory of your name.”

-Laurence Hope

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